


My Share Of Losing

by ItsMeGetOverIt



Series: My Way [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: 2x19 rewrite, AU, F/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Team as Family, don't want to say too much in tags, kinda cannon compliant but not really, unresolved BUS tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 19:50:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7236133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsMeGetOverIt/pseuds/ItsMeGetOverIt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ward took a step back, shocked at the Brit's frenzy. Coulson and Fitz were quick to grab on to her. She struggled against them for a few moments.</p><p>"You were supposed to be <b><i>family</i></b>! We weren't just a team, we <i>were</i> a family till you killed-" a sob stopped her from finishing her accusation and draining the fight from her. "And what's worse is you don't even <i>regret</i> it!"</p><p>**<br/>A re-write of a scene in 2x19- The Dirty Half Dozen. Might become more or I'll just leave it as this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Share Of Losing

**Author's Note:**

> I have previous posted this on fanfiction.net, so some people might have seen this there, just fyi.
> 
> Any dialogue you recognise I didn't write, but I did make some changes, in words and emphasis. There an explanation at the end about where these changes are coming from because otherwise it might be obvious where I'm going with this.
> 
> Also I'm finding myself utterly uninspired for titles so I'm turning to my extensive eclectic music collection. This one is from "My Way" sung by Frank Sinatra:
> 
>  
> 
> _I've loved, I've laughed and cried_  
>  _I've had my fill; my sharing of losing._  
>  _And now, as tears subside,_  
>  _I find it all so amusing._

"Although much…"

Ward falter when he saw the glare behind cold blue eyes.

"Much of it is…"

The cool unflinching eyes of May were no better for him to look at.

"Much of." Ducking his head Ward decides he needs to clear the air.

"Right. Can we address the elephant on the plane?"

Looking around he saw not a single person looked like they were ready to cut him any slack.

"I know this is weird. Mistakes were made."

"By you," Fitz chirped up.

"And people got hurt."

"By _you_." This time there was a clear accusation behind Fitz's words, and Ward could feel it mirrored by everyone else in the small room.

"And I could stand here and explain, again," he saw Simmons roll her eyes and actually turn away from him, Fitz shuffling to stand behind her, "how my parents and brother left me vulnerable-"

"We all had our drama's Ward," May cut him off. Her face showing she would tolerate no bullshit. "Didn't turn any of _us_ into psychopaths."

"We all have our own ways of coping, don't we? For example; I was yours," he shot back at the other specialist.

"Watch it Ward!" Coulson barked out.

"Look," he responded defensively, "I'm just saying we all make mistakes."

On the other side of the table Fitz begins massaging his hand and Simmons hands gripped the table's edge tightly.

"Coulson handed me over to my abuser." The man mentioned shifted his stance, but his eyes remained unrepentant. "Thank you. Skye shot me-"

"After you _killed_ how many?" Simmons cut in, her voice filled with a rage Ward had never heard from the biochemist before.

"Yeah," Fitz joined his partner; his rage equally audible, "and we were a team and a _family_. And _you_ betrayed _us_."

"I know," Ward agreed readily. "It's what I regret most."

Hard looks were what he met from all five faces around the table.

"Not the lying; the SHIELD agents I had to put down; and," Ward gave a small sigh knowing this next confession will hurt, "I'm sorry, not even dropping you two in the ocean."

Yup, there it was. The hurt; the pain; the anguish, and grief too, flashed through FitzSimmons eyes. Was that fury in Simmons's eyes too?

"It's _this_. My actions destroyed _this_. I'll regret that forever. 'Cos they were good times, right? Before."

Emotions kept flashing through the scientists' eyes, but the other three around the table were carefully blank.

"I mean, for a while there, we were a good team, weren't we?"

Silence followed his words. Tension built as they waited to see who would be the first to speak.

"You fucking son of a bitch!" Simmons growled quickly moving as if to physically attack him.

Ward took a step back, shocked at the Brit's frenzy. Coulson and Fitz were quick to grab on to her. She struggled against them for a few moments.

"You were supposed to be **_family_**! We weren't just a team, we _were_ a family till you killed-" a sob stopped her from finishing her accusation and draining the fight from her. "And what's worse is you don't even _regret_ it!"

Silently Coulson let go of her as she turned into her husband's embrace. He held her close. Ward felt a new level of loathing radiate towards him from both Coulson and May.

Ward didn't even know what else had he done to them.

Skye looked as shocked as Ward felt at Simmons outburst. Clearly she didn't know either. And oddly, that made Ward feel a bit better.

"He doesn't know," May said in a voice that Ward had never heard her use before. "Jemma, it was a private matter."

May threw a hard look at Ward and he got the distinct feeling she would like nothing more than to kick his ass again for whatever this other thing he's done is.

"And we kept it that way," Coulson finished. The upset agent had stilled and she looked at the Director, her head still ticked under her husband's. "There is no record of anything pertaining to it in SHIELD files. So, unless you spoke about it to a marriage therapist off SHIELD's books who'd turned the info over, he couldn't know."

Pulling back the couple had one of their silent conversations before they nodded, Fitz kissing her hair line in a show of love and support. Simmons then nodded to Coulson and May. Turning in Fitz's arms she faced the table again, but held his arms around her tightly her.

Ward looked shocked. Not just at the public display of affection, but by Coulson's obviously not joking comment.

"Right, FitzSimmons are married," he scoffed. Ward waited to see someone else react to indicate it was a tease, or actually a joke. His eyes narrowed when he saw nothing.

"Ah, yeah," Skye nodded. "Oh wait, that's right," she mock exclaimed. "You _missed_ that announcement because you were off being a loyal psychopath in team HYDRA under Captain nut-job Garret."

"We've been married for nearly five years."

"So, your advice at Providence was touching," Fitz smirked, "but wholly unneeded."

"Was that part of your HYDRA scheme or was that genuine big brother Grant showing through?" Simmons mocked, her voice again steady.

Fitz's arms tightened around her and he gave a one breath chuckle.

Coulson threw the pair a glance. They both quietened again and were back to their professional masks.

"I know this is so weird," the Director's voice was filled with his regret over having to do this, "but we have to come back to the mission." He tapped the table screen focusing in the part of the base that they were going to be infiltrating. "Two team; Skye, Ward and… Simmons on rescue and medical."

A side glance to his two young female agents saw them both nod. Simmons in acknowledgement of the job's need, and Skye at the silent additional command; 'look after our Simmons'.

"Fitz and I will break into missile defence and gather Intel. May's with us for fire power," he added almost as an afterthought.

"Wait, you're not on rescue?" Skye quizzed, her surprise colouring her voice.

"Let me handle the job assignments. The point is there's a lot of challenges ahead. We don't want to implode before we even get there."

He threw another look at his scientists and both remained focused on the table's screen. No promise made, so none could be broken. Coulson placed a supportive hand on Simmons's shoulder and she gave him a tight smile in recognition.

With the briefing clearly over, Skye pulled her two best friends out of the briefing room. She didn't get further than the couches before she asked softly, "What was that all about?"

Fitz gave his wife a look letting her know he would follow her lead, however she want to handle this. She cast one last look to where Ward was still standing by the briefing room's table.

"I was pregnant when Ward dropped us out of the plane," she whispered sitting down and pulling Fitz down next to her, their hands tightly clasped.

Skye gasped and stared, stunned, at her female best friend. How come she hadn't confided in her sooner? Skye dropped into the adjacent couch.

"Between the strain and drastic pressure change of getting us to the ocean's surface and the stress of Fitz's coma I … I lost the baby." Fitz's hand tightened around hers. "I wasn't even certain I was pregnant at that point either, but I knew what was happening while I was losing it." She took a deep ragged breath. "You and Trip were searching for survivors from the Academy at the locations I said Weaver might go to, so it was May that found me. When I explained what I thought was happening she immediately took me to a hospital. There was nothing that could be done by the time we got there. When you got back it had been a week without Fitz waking up and I could barely process what that could mean for him let alone face what my own health situation was, so I never said anything."

"She hadn't even had the chance to tell me that she'd suspected before we went after Cyberteck. Then," his shoulders tensed, "As you would recall, I didn't take to my recovery well, so she kept it from me. _I_ only found out about it- our baby- after we reconnected." Fitz turned his head away from them. "Some husband I turn out to be. Didn't even notice my wife going through a personal hell before my very eyes."

" _I_ didn't confide in you. It was my fault. Regardless of what everyone seems to think we can't _actually_ read each other's minds."

The married couple shared a long look that clearly held another of their silent conversations. Which further proved to Skye that they were psychically linked, telepathy aside. It ended with them sharing a soft kiss of comfort and support. It was chastise but there was clearly a lot of emotions hidden just beneath the surface.

"Where do you think you're going?" May snapped at Ward as he made a move towards the lounge area.

Coulson physically blocked his way.

"You've done enough damage to two people who only wanted to help, support and be like the _family_ you always wanted. Don't you think?" The Director's words were laced with venom and cut through Ward like a blade and he physically recoiled. "Do us all a favour and just … no more talking to people."

May was by Coulson's side before he'd finished and waited for the former-teammate to take a step away from where the younger agents were. Once he'd backed off May turned to the room.

"Twenty minutes out. Get the last of your gear sorted and into place," she called out to them.

The three look up from their conversation, nod to the senior agent getting to their feet and quickly went their separate ways.

There was still a mission to complete. And family or not, they could still work together as a team.

A broken team, but a team nonetheless.

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is an idea that has been knocking around my head not long after I was introduced to the show, a couple of months ago, (late bloomer I KNOW) and most of the idea was actually for the first season, but this one episode just wouldn't leave my head! In case it wasn't spelt clearly enough out in this, Fitz and Simmons were married before they set foot on the BUS in season 1 and didn't tell the team except for Coulson. I know I've read various stories that have had similar premises but this was the version doing laps in my head.
> 
> I don’t know if anyone would be interested in me trying to go all the way back to the start or just season 2 (and the repercussions of the end of 1), or just leave it here. All constructive criticism is welcome, because I'm still new to 'Agents of SHIELD', don't have a beta and I don't know if I've got the character's voices down. Please let me know what you think.


End file.
